What I am most stressed about is something that I don't need to worry about for another 20 weeks. I am super worried about the c-section and hospital stay! I'm not worried about the surgery, it has always gone so quickly and so well my two previous times. Even after planning a VBAC with Emery and labouring through the night before my contractions randomly went away and ending up with an Emergency c-section anyway. It is worth it because you get such a great reward right after. I am worried about dealing with the post op pain and mostly worried about the hospital stay. My first one Sterling was quickly transported to a different hospital so I would wake up every three hours and pump and then go back to sleep. I then went to Alberta Children's Hospital, where the nurses still took care and helped me out so much even though I wasn't the patient for two weeks. Then when I went home the only time I had to move was when I needed a break because Trevor was home to help for several weeks. The worst part of my first c-section was I had a cold and every time I coughed I thought I was being ripped apart. I also had to walk a million miles on my second day to get to Sterling and take care of him. By 4 weeks I was able to do most tasks within reason.
My second c-section was so much worse. It hurt quite a bit more and took three more weeks until I was mobile over my first section. That being said you are not supposed to lift anything more than 5 pounds which is virtually impossible with a disabled child at home and a husband unable to miss his first week of auto body school (when there is only four weeks of school, missing one is super bad). I had to lift Sterling down the stairs every morning, into his highchair, out of it, and several other times a day including diaper changes.
My hospital stay was awful! Trevor went home to take care of Sterling at 9:00pm every night and I was left alone until about 8:00am. I was alone after Sterling but the nurses were great and so helpful the first time around because when you just give birth and your child is in NICU in another hospital they feel bad and are extra helpful. My night nurse with Emery was horrible. I don't produce enough milk after I give birth. The only reason I was able to get Emery on solely breast milk after 3.5 months was that I had a really stressful schedule of breastfeed, formula feed, pump. This would take about 2-2.5 hours to do and then I would get about 1 hour of sleep in between and then have to start again. This went on for months along with twice weekly visits to the lactation specialist and a super high dose of meds to ramp up my milk production. Let me tell you months of this is tiring, stressful and just plain exhausting and frustrating. So, when Emery was born her blood levels were really low because she was not getting enough food. This particular night nurse would tell me every time that she tested her that I was a 'horrible Mother and that I wasn't trying hard enough to feed her correctly'. If I wasn't going to try hard enough to properly feed her that I needed to pump every hour no matter the time of day. I suggested that we give her some formula because I knew after having Sterling that my milk was slow to come in and I had to take months of medicine and do months of pumping. She would then tell me again and again, 'How can you give up on your child? You are not trying hard enough! You need to actually listen to the lactation consultants when they tell you how to feed your child. She deserves better.' It was so tiring and exhausting to hear the constant berating of the horrible person I was for not trying and not being able to feed my child properly. I just wanted Emery to get the food she needed because she was losing so much weight at a rapid rate. She started at 6 pounds 10 ounces but ended up at 5 pounds even by the end of 3 days. So I would cry after these lectures and feel horrible and just want to give up because I wasn't good enough and was being told by her every couple hours that I was a bad Mother. I just had a major surgery not even 24 hours prior and gave birth to a child! Had I not been in an emotional whirlpool of giving birth I would have normally told her where to stick it (which would have included several swears and unlady like references and told her to leave me alone) and that would have been the end of it. I DO NOT put up with people treating and disrespecting me or my family and will do whatever it takes to let people know that. Unfortunately, I usually have the baby blues for a week after giving birth so any negative remarks usually go straight to my heart and make me cry and reinforce what I am already thinking. She would also wake me up constantly (every hour) to make sure I had fed my child and that I was pumping. I later found out at the lactation specialist office that Emery was tongue tied and could not properly feed. I did also have a milk problem but her improper latch was not MY FAULT as this negative night nurse tried to make me believe. When I would ask for medicine to top up because of the pain she would 'tsk tsk' me for taking medicine like it was evil. They just cut me open not even 24 hours ago, I am going to take the medicine required so I could take the edge of the debilitating pain! It was just tylenol and ibuprofen, geeze. I ended up having to stay a third night because Emery was still losing tons of weight and her blood levels were so low. I was so upset because I didn't know how I was supposed to put up with the evil nurse another night. The third night I finally insisted that I was giving Emery formula and didn't care because I wanted her to feel better because she was constantly crying and hungry and I could not stand the thought of a fourth night there.
Trevor was there during the days and my day nurses were awesome. They were so helpful and would even help set up the pump for me and one took the baby for a couple hours so I could finally get some sleep. Of course I didn't need anyone to speak up for me during the day when I had support, isn't that the way it always works?
Lastly, the first c-section I had a private room. With EMery I had a shared room with the world's most whiney Mother. SHe was constantly whining about EVERYTHING! The pillows were uncomfortable, the bed was too hard, the food was awful, it hurt to pee, it hurts to breastfeed, I need more medicine, Why is this room so small? Geeze lady, can you stop whining for 5 seconds and just let me sleep. She would start sobbing uncontrollably if she didn't get what she wanted and wake me up several times a night. I was quickly being driven to madness by this constant stream of whining. Seriously, we all are miserable, just shut up and take it silently like the rest of us so we aren't even more miserable and can get some sleep around here!
So I pretty much now have this irrational fear of hospital stays after giving birth because I am scared of evil nurses and being too emotional and tired to not be able to speak up for myself. I have been up late the last few nights because I have been so concerned about staying after the c-section in the hospital. I even woke up for 2 hours last night worrying about it from 2am-4am. Yup, irrational much.
I am also a little worried about taking care of a disabled three-year-old and a rambunctious and wild 18-month-old both weighing over the 5 pound lifting weight limit by myself. Trevor can only take a few days and those will be while I am in the hospital recovering. The original plan was for my parents to come help us a little bit after I had my c-section so they would help with the children so I didn't need to do any heavy lifting. Looks like due to some medical reasons, this probably wont happen :( We both understand but I am sure that my parents are sad that they won't be able to come visit the soon to be 15 grandchildren that they have in Calgary! Luckily for me, I am more worried about the hospital stay that I probably wont worry too much about this hurdle until I am actually home with the crazy little midgets wondering what to do with them.
Kiddies watching for birds!
15.5 weeks preggo pants. I was actually much larger with Sterling and Emery so that is odd to me.
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